....writing letters.

Dear Everyone and No one all at once,

Where are you today? What are you doing right now. I wish I knew, but then again it probably isn’t important for me to know. What I am doing is of no consequence to you.

What do you think of my penmanship? It is, strangely enough, one of my favourite features. I like making long swoopy letters.

Would you like to have tea with me? I heard that written in a letter once. “Oh, dear, how much I wish that you could come to me for a cup of tea.” I’ve almost run out of tea waiting for you. But I don’t know that you will ever come. You don’t know where I am and I don’t know what you’re doing and I don’t even know if you like tea and I’m heartsick over it. I love tea.

Where are you today? What are you doing? I’m going to learn to make moccasins soon. Will you be proud of me? Or will you laugh at how silly I am? I hope that you won’t laugh. I hope you love that I love moccasins and that my hobbies are very much akin to those of an old woman’s. Sometimes I feel like I’ve seen the whole world and that knitting is just the most practical thing to do right now.

Do you know yourself well? Do you have things that you want very much? Are there things you think you might do? There are things that you don’t know yet that you will do. I can’t wait for you to discover them. Some things you will do with great pride and some other things you will wish no one else to know. Some things you will bury and some things you will unearth. I hope that I might share in these things with you.

Is it warm where you are? It’s cold where I am right now and I miss sunsets after nine pm. I miss riding my bicycle towards the orange and pink. Do you feel warmth when you turn your face to the sun? I wish for you to smile and think of me but you can’t and you won’t. You are in my heart and yet I cannot find you and I don’t really know where to look.

My feet are cold; I will wait for you with the tea.

...cooking my little heart out.

Making money, not as a concept, but in practice is foreign to me. The idea that I can be saving money and still have enough money is brand new. I worked my ass off in my undergrad to save enough money to move to the city. By the end of my final year I’d saved enough to cover living expenses for about a month, plus May, June, July and last month's rent- but I was also living on about a hundred dollars a week, including groceries.

So now once again I’m saving money, for grad school this time. After six months of paying off debts and getting things in order, this January 2011 I am finally ready to start saving. And I’m not a student this time, I have a real job. But sometimes I still forget that now U of T pays me. When I decided to start saving I thought great, its fifth year all over again. That’s where this foreign concept of making money comes in. Knock on wood, barring any major financial disasters, I should be able to save money and still have enough money to live well from day to day. Ok, live well by my standards, which is on the border of living comfortably and just ok by the standards of most.

What excites me the most about my new found “wealth”? Grocery shopping. The idea of going to the grocery store and being able to buy what I want- finally being able to splurge on the good, colourful tomatoes and buy cheese other than the no name brand gives me a warm fuzzy feeling all the way down to my liver. Finally after months of printing off recipes I can actually make them! (No Jamie Oliver, I don’t have my own garden of fresh herbs but now I can afford to buy them.)

A couple of months ago I found a Rachael Ray pasta recipe I can actually afford to make and I’m obsessed with it. I really could eat it every day and be happy but I’m getting bored of cooking it. So now that I can grocery shop to my heart’s content (don’t get too excited and try to rob me on the subway—my heart has pretty low expectations when it comes to spending money) I am going to call February my “No recipe left behind tour.” It starts next Saturday. I’m pretty excited.

...listening.

Be My Honeypie by the Weepies.

The song itself is not super amazing, it’s just nice, and quiet, and soft. It has the same kind of warmth you expect from hot chocolate. But with the video, it has the kind of warmth that makes you shiver all over. The video follows couples just being in love, but not even just being in love, but just having a good time. It’s a video that makes you want to be in love so badly it makes your heart ache. But it also makes that kind of love worth waiting for. A proverbial fuck you to the guy in the bar who uses lines like “gingers need to stick together” or “if I wasn’t married I’d totally being hitting on you right now.” Thanks but no thanks.

Dance with me darling, the night is falling
You never answer although all my life I’m calling

Be my honeypie, never say goodbye
If you don’t love me I will die
Be my honeypie

You turn me on, keep me up ‘til dawn
Come and get me, baby
Because soon I will be gone

What good are the stars above
If you’re not in love?

Let me make it right, stay with me tonight
You out to let somebody hold you tight.

...on its own nothing special, but man, that video...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeZMTOSeHVw&feature=branded

...and you're not invited.

Nope, it may be your bathtub but I'm having some quality time with your rubber duck...who doesn't think you treat him well by the way. He misses you since you started taking showers.

Why not be alone right now- to bathe that is. Bathing is not really a group activity. It just seems like a way to exchange dirt.
"I need to get the subway off me."
"Ok. I'll trade you for the indie band I saw at that dive bar last night."

None too bright, if you ask me. But you didn't, you just want your bathtub back. You can have your bathtub when I am finished but I warn you- I'm not pruney yet at all and it's warm in here. I lit candles.

...cruise directing.

Three mornings every week my job starts at 6:30 am, where I am essentially attendance monitor, food guarder, coffee drinker and cruise director. On these mornings I am the only one here until 8 am and then we are the only two here until 9. By the time the last people come in at 10:30, my day is half over. If you haven’t already guessed, my job is not very hard. When I get her eat 6:30 I unlock as many as three doors and turn on the respective lights, then I greet students who mainly ignore me until 7 am. In the two hours I’m alone I Facebook, I listen to music on MySpace and also, I’m pretty addicted to Olsen’s Anonymous... then when people get here I write and it makes me look like I’m working very hard. I’m really just a well paid cruise director... a well paid, highly caffeinated cruise director.

...blogging, again.

About every six months, maybe eight, I get bored one day- usually at work- and start a blog. It never goes anywhere and I forget about it and then I delete all the posts and start over. Well, onto attempt number four. Maybe the key is to "un-theme" it (Read: No talk about weightloss or my love life) and just post on whatever I want- from trying to understand how my twenty-something coworker thought I was a history major, because I was talking about race riots and she didn't know what they were, to how much I love moccasins. I l<3<3<3ve moccasins... and my new Blackberry, it's the very best.